Hey, man, is that CHRISTIAN ROCK? Well turn it up!

From what I can recall, I was mostly pissed off in 1984. And ’85. 5th grade was 83-84, 6th was 84-85, and 7th was 85-86. During those years I attended a private Baptist school called Westside Christian School. Nowadays Westside would be described as “fundamentalist.”

The gym at Westside saw double duty. During the week it functioned as a basketball court and general recreation area. On Sunday, folding chairs were set up for the parishioners attending Sunday church services. Whoever designed the gym/sanctuary compromised on the flooring, laying down a hard rug on top of the concrete subfloor. The result was the worst of both worlds. Our basketball games were played on carpet, and during church someone was always stuck sitting on the free throw line.

During those years, most secular (meaning anything that was not explicitly Christian) influences were banned in my home. I wasn't allowed to watch movies that my parents hadn’t pre-screened to confirm that the movie complied with decent moral standards. As my dad liked to joke, “'PG' stands for ‘pretty gross’ and 'R' means ‘rotten.'" My mom played along too. Her review of Short Circuit: "They said "s-h-i-t' three times and 'a-s-s' five times." My brother Caleb and I were allowed an hour or so of television per day - sports and approved cartoons only. Of course, the devil's music was verboten. (Let the record reflect that even though they could be total Nazis and stuff, my parents have always been the best. Hi mom and dad, I love you!)

Of course, these restrictions only made the forbidden stuff irresistable. But we'll save the copy of Van Halen's 1984 I kept hidden under my mattress for another time. On an everyday basis, it was much less stressful to enjoy parentally-approved entertainment options. Hence, my love for Christian rock. Although I suspected that it mostly sucked, at 11 years old I was a sucker for any kind of pop music whatsoever. As a result, I know more about mid-1980s Christian rock than is strictly healthy. But for now, stifle your giggles. I’m saving the post about Stryper for another day. Right now I'm talking about the Christian rock albums that got scratched into my soul. The ones I listened to over and over and over in my room and on my walkman.

The first Christian rock band that I loved was the biggest of them all, Petra. Petra dominated the Christian rock scene for nearly two decades. My most-listened to Petra album was 1984's Beat the System. Beat the System is synth-pop. It sounds sort of like a very poor man's version of Invisible Touch-era Genesis. My favorite track was a cover of "God Gave Rock and Roll to You", which was first recorded by Argent (fronted by Rod Argent from The Zombies.) Later, the song was covered by KISS, (which as all good Christians know stands for Knights In Satan's Service), and featured in Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey. The KISS cover confirmed what many of the hard-core had long suspected - that the track was blasphemous and Petra was headed straight to hell. Even the more liberal folks were concerned that Petra was falling into the "ways of the world," seduced, no doubt, by the world's endless supply of cheesy synthesizers and tight pants.

To be continued...